I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
