Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
