I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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