My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
