I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
