is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
