My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
