i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
