they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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