some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
