the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
