Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
