You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
