a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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