before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
