I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
