It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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