Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
