apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
