So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think i peed on brittanys purse
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
