yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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