i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
