There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My penis needs a shock collar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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