Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
