it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize