I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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