it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The air taste purple.
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