He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
