i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
