No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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