But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
