how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
