Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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