I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
