Got a toothbrush?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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