nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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