What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
