dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
