he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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