Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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