Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize