I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
