He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
