Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
