Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
