Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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