i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize