Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize