They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this will be a night to untag.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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