Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize