Barsexuality is the new black.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
where are my eyebrows?
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