forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just high enough for therapy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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