i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize