My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
