There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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