I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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