Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize