i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
