Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
