is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
