Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
