I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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