how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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