I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
