worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
