Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dear god my vagina.
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