Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
