at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
