We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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