I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
