From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
