all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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