I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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