Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
