It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
