I just threw up on my dentist
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're like the curious george of whores
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
