i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
