so that wasnt chicken after all
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize