I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
