He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
