I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
