She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
