she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
third nipple confirmed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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