i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize