it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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