Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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