so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
