If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
