I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize