i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
