Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think my moral compass just broke
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
