i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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