I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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